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Former Miami Dolphins offensive lineman Lydon Murtha pulls back the curtain on what he saw and what he’s heard of the relationship between Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin, from the locker room dynamic to that now-famous O-line trip to Vegas

Playing football is a man’s job, and if there’s any weak link, it gets weeded out. It’s the leaders’ job on the team to take care of it.

Incognito and Martin

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This week’s meeting is a little different than usual.

Ken Solin, the guy I’ve talked to you about, will be visiting the group to talk about his experience in starting/participating in a men’s group for the past 20 years.  More information about Ken can be found here and here (you might find some of the exchanges between the men in these videos seem familiar!)

Ken will be here to share his experience with groups like ours and to satisfy his curiosity about what we’re doing.  Aside from writing about this whole business, he is also interested in helping encourage groups of men coming together to talk about their issues.

We’ll plan on doing our breif check-in from all those in attendance and then move onto to sharing ideas about groups of men with Ken.

Please let me know if you plan to come.  Looking forward to meeting.

Read Full Post »

This week’s meeting is a little different than usual.

Ken Solin, the guy I’ve talked to you about, will be visiting the group to talk about his experience in starting/participating in a men’s group for the past 20 years.  More information about Ken can be found here and here (you might find some of the exchanges between the men in these videos seem familiar!)

Ken will be here to share his experience with groups like ours and to satisfy his curiosity about what we’re doing.  Aside from writing about this whole business, he is also interested in helping encourage groups of men coming together to talk about their issues.

We’ll plan on doing our breif check-in from all those in attendance and then move onto to sharing ideas about groups of men with Ken.

Please let me know if you plan to come.  Looking forward to meeting.

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We will be meeting on Monday, December 20th, from 7:30-9:30pm
Our topic will be sexuality.
Sexuality is a complex issue. It is wrapped up with identity, power, satisfaction, desire, culture, the unconscious and even law. Sexuality is deeply personal, and yet requires connection with another. It is self expression, and yet it is negotiation, two individuals striving to meet their own needs and please the other. It is selfish and self-less.  It is also one of the few journeys that we must take on our own, we don’t learn sexuality from our parents or from teachers, we clumsily fumble our way through it with our peers, figuring out what is OK, what isn’t, what works and what doesn’t. Even in spaces where we can be open and discuss it, our experience is our own, always informed by our own desires and fetishes.
  • How have you come to terms with your own sexuality? What were the largest influences on your sexuality?
  • How have your partners shaped your desire? What have you learned? What would you still like to learn?
  • What is healthy sexuality? What does it look like? What is included? What is excluded?
  • How does power play into your sexuality? How does fetish?
  • What relationship dynamics work for you? What dynamics kill your desire?
  • Do you play the role of masculine of feminine in your relationships? How does this impact your desire?
  • What do you struggle with? What feels unexplored and unfulfilled?
I look forward to meeting with you

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We will be meeting Monday, October 4th, from 7:30pm-9:30pm.
Our topic will be Fathers.
As men our fathers, whether fully engaged in our lives, or absent had profound impact on our lives. Father is a role, it needn’t be a blood relative, it is the presence of masculine energy, the modeling of how men behave. Who was your father? What did he teach you? It is through looking up to the grown men in our lives that we learned, through modeling what a man is.  We may have rebelled against what we saw, we may have idolized it, we may have done both.  Perhaps your father wasn’t there, or there were additional men who deeply impacted your life. What was it that you learned? What came away as truth? If you resisted, resented or rejected, what did you struggle against?  How did he react to you?
How has your relationship to your father evolved, if at all? What has remained the same? Do you know about his own relationship to his father? What was that like? Are there bigger patterns that are repeating?  How did your father show you love? How did he demonstrate power? How was his relationship to your mother?  Did this impact how you related to women?
If you have children, or ever think about the possibility, how does your relationship to your kids reflect lessons from your own father? What have you rejected? What have you kept as valuable, as important? Are there things you wanted to avoid that somehow you found yourself doing anyway?
What does it mean to be a father? What are the relationships that that a father must learn to manage?
I look forward to meeting with you

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